Wanderhome.

I've been wandering around the galaxy lately...getting ready for my freedom once again. I've been setting up the homestead and honing skills. You know; newbie stuff. There's rumors one can get comepletely lost out here...for good. A few snapshots of recent events:


My home away from home: grinding for Artisan.


Hostile encounters with the locals.


Guarding the fort.

Watch for more. Thanks for hanging in.

G'uh

There's a buzzing inside my head, and that buzzing indicates I have 1 week and two days left in this class. Then I have one week "off", then I have my final capstone course (5 weeks long) and then I am done with school.

I think it's uncool that as I get very close to finishing school the hardest classes are last when my patience, tolerance, and energy is least. Maybe this is what separates the Earthlings from the Martians.

I'm feeling the wave of change: Dawn and I are recognizing just how much of a shipwreck the last 3 years have been and all the little things that suffer: dishes, cleaning, cooking, basic human kindness, and other such things. Instead we've resorted to tactical dining, working, relaxing, and so on--kind of a militaristic life-style. I think hygiene goes out next, and it may happen JUST before I graduate.

Also, I've noticed that I am seeing the end of the tunnel in the form of leisure. Now, I want to start relaxing, watching tv, playing computer games, and so on. I've started doing this in relatively small increments but in intense waves--like I spent all weekend attached to Star Wars Galaxies after homework was done. Not inherently a bad thing, but I owe Dawn a little quality time, not in ferral game-playing grunting mode.

To help confuse things further I've joined the LA Weight Loss program (last Thursday). We'll see how that all turns out. If all goes as planned, then one week after graduation I will have lost the 30 pounds that so vex me. So, the picture of Michael, 8 weeks from now:
-- Leaner
-- Free-er
-- Edumuhcated
-- Energetic with tons of free time

I might explode on impact with April 13.
Note: results not typical.

Please be over soon, school. I love you but man it's enough.

Soap Opera Coffee Commercial.

The little styrofoam cup sitting on my desk is issuing the lovely smell of a caffeinated beverage. It tasts good too. The coffee, not the cup.

Is it just me or is the sound of coffee pouring into a cup like one of the most sacred sounds in the world? I get embarrassed listening to coffee being poured when in the presence of others--like I just got caught doing something I shouldn't be. The coffee dispensers at work are industrial types, so they shoot coffee out rather than pour it delicately; they don't count. Those coffee commercials with the handsome actors and actresses opening a fresh coffee can every morning and pouring a cup of java while looking outside their window from the the vantage of their country cabin into the mountains makes me have to mute the TV.

Am I weird? So-- tell me, what sounds do you find sacred? Post a reply and let me know.

Here's one I'm not embarrassed about: tree leaves in the wind, especially on colder days. I love the sound of trees moving in the wind, especially a lot of trees. That's like one of the only sounds that provides instant relaxation for me. A couple years ago Dave and I went camping at Inks Lake near Austin. That night a storm blew through and through the tent walls could be heard a high wind, lots of tree movement and distant thunder. While Dave fretted about the weather, I was so relaxed and at peace--I don't think I've slept as well since then.

So, again--tell me about the sounds in your life.

Bang on the drums all day.

Mood: dispirited. Music: none.
It's hard to qualify a day as bad or good--so why call it a bad day, or a good day for that matter? The day is somewhat external to me (although I create it, secretly)--the wind will continue to blow, the rain may fall, the sun may shine, all independent of how I feel.

I feel dispirited (yet nature cares not) about work. There are times when I feel overwhelmed by the possibility of success and of failure. All these things are based on my beliefs of course--who defines success?? I do. Who defines failure?? I do.

So why do I go to such great lengths to believe I need to "succeed" and why do I go to such great lengths to believe that success is just too hard to accomplish? Why do I put these perceptive blocks in my way. Joining another group means having to do this and having to do that and all the other things that just seem so complex to accomplish such a simple thing, really. "Why bother?" I keep asking myself, while answering myself in the same irritated droning voice, "pay the bills, feed the belly, etc, etc. blah blah blah pffffttttt."

What if I just up and quite the job? What if I decided to pursue an active career in cardboard home living? Who is to say something 100% better won't come along? Who? Trust in self, that's who. That same trust in self that says I can make my job whatever I want it to be--it's up to me. Self responsibility sometimes blows.

Right now, more than anything? I wish I was playing Galaxies and eating a big triglyceride in solid form: Krispy Kreme doughnuts. What am I doing? Preparing for a meeting I abhor the idea of going to and having to write and think in ways I don't want to for someone else's pleasure.

So, who will win? See you after the meeting.
Mood: More dispirited. Music: griping internal dialogue