Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Ever notice that when you decide to make a change in yourself for the better, such as leaving a job, then all of the sudden everything that used to piss you off so much seems lighter or less intense? I attribute this to the commitment of energy to be more positive. It ripples out from the moment point of decision and affects all belief constructs -- even the 'negative' ones you held prior, so they seem 'better'.
So, today, after my belief construction yesterday, I had a really solid good day -- it's been over a year since I had one. Everything at work went right, I suddenly saw new opportunities that weren't there before, and everything was the way I wanted it to be.
More belief deconstruction will follow, for sure -- if it continues this positive, I want more.
I would like to point out, as my Sumafi wife pointed at in typical Sumafi fashion : this isn't really belief deconstruction so much as belief acceptance. In typical Sumari fashion, I demured but will continue to call it whatever the hell I want to. :) It's my reality, after all.
I think tomorrow I want to still deal with "I feel fat", but from a food-oriented point of view. Last night, after the belief work I went out and got doughnuts. This seems counter productive, but I insist it's a good sign -- it means I am stirring the pot and falling back on safety, which means I am creating the energy and intention of changing it. I think after the food-point of view, I'll tackle the protection point of view and see what happens.
Have a good night. Thanks for playing.
Feel free to comment to any posts by clicking on the comments link below them.
Monday, November 29, 2004
The point of belief deconstruction is to work back from a feeling to the core beliefs that provide the issue you are working on so much energy. In that way, by isolating the belief, you can accept you have the belief and then change it because it no longer has hold over you.
In keeping with the holiday spirit, I am going to deal with the feeling I have of being fat. Now, to many I may not appear fat, but in my head I'm saying, "I feel fat, I feel full, etc.". So, regardless of how others see me, this is how I see me. Thus, the feeling: I feel fat.
From this feeling, I state linked emotions -- there may be several:
- Feeling fat makes me feel embarrassed.
- Feeling fat makes me feel lazy.
- Feeling fat makes me feel insufficient/incapable of doing what I want.
Now, the fun part -- finding belief statements that generate the emotion.
Feeling fat makes me feel embarrassed:
-- I believe other people will not like looking at me
-- I believe other people will not like being around me
Feeling fat makes me feel lazy.
-- I believe it's too hard to make the fat go away: requires exercise & diet
-- I believe I don't want to change my habits
Feeling fat makes me feel insufficient:
-- I believe I am too out of shape to do anything well
-- I believe I won't have enough energy or attention to do things
Obviously there's more beliefs, but this is a start. Next, I take those beliefs and ask why that belief is there:
I believe other people will not like looking at me:
-- I believe other people don't like looking at fat people
I believe other people will not like being around me:
-- I believe people are more interested in looks than brains
I believe it's too hard to make the fat go away: requires exercise & diet
-- I believe it requires too much effort to get into shape.
I believe I don't want to change my habits
-- I believe change is unknown and scary
I believe I am too out of shape to do anything well
-- I believe if I am out of shape, I will have an excuse not to do something well.
I believe I won't have enough energy or attention to do things:
-- I believe I don't have limitless energy and power, or adequate power to accomplish my goals.
Things are starting to become clearer: If I refine one more time, I might have some interesting core beliefs to work with.
- I believe I don't like looking at out-of-shape people.
- I believe people are more interested in looks than brains.
- I believe it requires too much effort to get into shape.
- I believe change is unknown and scary.
- I believe if I am out of shape, I will have an excuse not to do something well.
- I believe I don't have adequate power to accomplish my goals.
So -- given this set of core beliefs, when I decide I want to get into shape (like now, during the holidays) I start feeling intense laziness and tiredness and lack of motivation.
Notice how some of these beliefs conflict with each other: "I believe I don't like looking at out of shape people" and "I believe it requires too much effort to get into shape." These two beliefs conflict with each other. The first expresses a desire to get into shape, the second expresses that my desire to get into shape is too difficult. Working on those two beliefs, they manifest as an emotion of frustration.
So the next step? I guess it's to realize that I chose to align with those beliefs and emotions. From there, I can choose other beliefs and emotions to accomplish my goals. This helps me clarify my goal, also. Remember -- I started with "I feel fat". Now, I realize that my goal is not the opposite of "I feel fat", such as "I feel skinny", but rather, "I feel fit, I feel energized". The original "I feel fat" emotions arrived from the conflict of beliefs. If I align my beliefs, then my emotions will be different.
To conclude, here's six different core beliefs to help align in a different way:
- I believe I don't like being an out-of-shape person.
- I believe people are interested in looks and brains.
- I believe geting into shape is effortless.
- I believe change is safe and easy.
- I believe if I am in shape, I will have an excuse not to do something well. :)
- I believe I have more than adequate power to accomplish my goals.
I could abstract these just a little further to make them true core beliefs:
- I believe I am fit.
- I believe I accomplish my goals effortlessly.
- I believe I change safely and easily.
- I believe I do all things well.
- I believe I have limitless energy.
If you think about it, when you were a kid -- aren't these the beliefs you held??? What happened?
This has been an interesting exercise! I'll tackle another issue tomorrow!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
I, however, am at work -- but, I have help now with three new workers and am finally just doing 2 people's jobs instead of 5. Today, even though I am at work, feels like a vacation.
So. There's been lots in my head lately and I need to get them out on paper at some point. Here's some broad categories.
-- I want to write a query paper to the XSL community regarding separating style from style sheets. Sounds counterproductive, but is sure provides an opportunity for some great extensibility, at least the way I see it.
-- I want to write some letters or thoughts about my favorite musicians/book authors (Stephen R. Donaldson, Kirsty Hawkshaw, Douglas Adams).
-- I want to do some website design now that I know a little more. It would be cool to re-work our picture website and make it a lot more fun.
-- I want to learn some more ASP.NET once school is over. Of all the classes I took this past 2 years, my programming classes are the ones I liked the most. Yes, everyone is nutso over Java, but once a Microsoft baby, always a Microsoft baby. I like .NET.
Well I guess that's it for now. I am pretty sure there's more I want to do. Watch for it here!
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
This weekend, appropriately on vacation, I finally reached the new book, and boy does Donaldson deliver -- as usual. Despite the many year hiatus between this book and the prior set, I could not set the book down. I devoured it like a Raver and hurled the book to the floor at the awesome cliffhanger ending that made me shriek with joy and anticipation of the 2nd book. Not many books thrill me that way.
Do I have post-Donaldson/Covenant depression now that I've finished the book? No... I've got lots of anticipation (and his latest book from his private investigator series as well). Everyone should read Donaldson. I think someone from Amazon.com reviews summed up Donaldson pretty well in a comparison between him and Tolkein. To paraphrase, Tolkein wrote as an investigation of literature. Donaldson writes with fantasy and character in mind -- he really makes you see and feel the people he writes about.
OK. That's that. It's been good. It was timely with my much needed vacation. I am somewhat sane again, although sanity, like time and space, is relative.
Wherefore do I go hence? I go to a meeting and then lunch. But, I have my new XML peeps here and off I go to rule the world. Or at least my relative version of it.
I dedicate myself now to the idea that I'd like to write more frequent blog entries. Donations will be accepted to help my cause.