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Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Two out of Ten

Today, pain is much better. I had been worried during Pilates that I would be in a lot of pain, but it actually went away during the workout. I am quite aware of my energy centers as I strengthen the abs. I realize I carry a lot of tension in my hips / hip flexors. I realized this because as I activate the abs more, I use the hips less, especially for walking. So, they become sore yet more relaxed. This is very cool!

What else? The great office purge continues at home. I am tossing things left and right and with any luck within a couple of weeks will have all the little projects done and can concentrate on other stuff. I still have two days of vacation from school left and I am enjoying it. The next 8 classes (that's all that's left!!) are much easier. I was reviewing notes for my next class, Fundamentals of Telecommunications, and realized I knew all this stuff from my MCSE. I am looking forward to a little coasting the rest of the way. It's been earned, so don't give me any crap about it. :)

Other than that, work is hectic and Herald (the dark matter of the universe) is reminding me to be a cool Frood. Not to get hung up on the little things. It's easy for him to say -- he is after all, a good portion of the unaccounted for mass of the universe and is therefore infinitely large (or small).

Thanks, Herald.

Monday, April 26, 2004


Everyone knows that the name of the center of our galaxy is really Steve (see for details. Steve floats in space--which is astonishingly vast; so vast in fact as to be nearly incomprehensible and those who comprehend it have yet to prove it's disturbing vastness.

Space is made up of a whole lot of stuff, but is mostly, well, space. Emptiness with thin molecules of hardy compounds. Space is horrifyingly cold and violent. We couldn't live there without protection and oxygen and stuff like that.

But, space is made up of mass and some of that mass is unaccounted for. You should see the size of the scale they weighed the universe with. Of course mass and weight are not the same, but don't think about that for now. Enjoy the size of the scale visual for a moment. If your noodle is baked, this is appropriate.

The unaccounted for mass is called Herald. Herald is everywhere and nowhere all at once. Don't mistake Herald for God (also usually known as Quarl). They aren't the same. Herald is infinitely small because size and mass have nothing to do with each other. Well, maybe they do, but not in Herald's case.

Herald is a harbinger. He fortells the Great Equilibrium where all things entropically spread out and stabilize into a gel-like substance very similar to Jell-O. You would know this if you listen to the dark matter in yourself. For, Herald is dark matter, the unknown mass of the universe.

Fear Herald. But, listen to him too. He is everywhere.

Eight out of Ten

This is my pain scale, where 1 = no pain and 10 = excruciating.

It was a tough week. I am addressing issues related to beliefs and physical pain, now. You see, I started taking a Pilates class down the street at the urging of the instructor. Pilates is about strength from within then extending out. This translates into working with your core energy a lot. It all begins with the abdominals. Abdominals are the muscles that support the back. My back is injured from my HEB incident 13 years ago and my abdominals resemble a keg more than a six pack. So, I have core issues.

Last week in Pilates (week 2), I focused on strength in the abdominals and it was great. However, the next couple of days, my original back injury (quadratus lumborum) and subsequent piriformis injury became aggravated again. This is actually the worst I have felt since the original injury 13 years ago.

On Tuesday - Friday I was at an archive conference here in S.A. and we were sitting all day in these hard flat chairs. By Thursday evening I was experiencing limited movement in my ability to walk. Quite frightening. SO I reinstated my back stretches that I had learned and stopped using (I know, I know, Dawn & Mom). This helps fairly immediately, and have continued to use them since. I did not go to the last day of the conference, preferring instead to stay supine with alternating heat / cold packs.

The trick with stretching is that after a while I feel ok and don't want to take the 30 minutes twice a day to do the stretches. This is especially true if I wake up late or am running late or too busy. However, injuries are deceptive that way. I think this needs to be more of something I do every day for good (no comments from the peanut gallery -- you can tell me to do it all you like but until I decide to it's just wasted air).

My original recovery from these injuries took months because I was informed to stay as still as possible to let the injuries heal. This is counter to more modern work at re-strengthening the injured muscles. Sadly, because I feel the original injury never healed properly, I have had subsequent minor support injuries.

One thing I quickly noticed in Pilates is that my right side (where the injuries are at) is weaker and "lower" -- like it's lazy. My abs are stronger on the left side. I feel like I am finally restrengthening this, and to that point, I am, today back at a "3" or "4" in the pain scale. I also discovered that by engaging my abs as I stretch, I get a MUCH more powerful stretch, with more distance and lengthening of the stretches. This is a good thing because it shows progress and is very helpful over all.

So, from an energetic standpoint, I've spent the last 13 years operating outside of core energy. I've been engaging legs, arms, neck, and chest for strength when I really needed to focus on the abs and back -- the central point of strength. Consistent with my experiences with stretching, if I hold tight in my abs and back, my limbs are more able to be stabilized and flexible. Also, pain reduction is MUCH faster. A good thing.

So, largely, I've been dealing with this during the last week. I'm on summer vacation from school (one week, ends this Thursday). There is a lot of belief work in all this stuff, too -- fear of success, fear of using core strength, being stabilized and supportive of myself. This is all what I am working on here, so there's lots of movement happening. Fortunately it's more flexbile movement now. I hope I'm pain free in a day or so.

I have pilates tonight. We'll see. :)

More posting soon. It's been a weird couple of weeks and I've been introspective and thus didn't feel like sharing with the world.

Gotta go square up the joint.

Monday, April 19, 2004

It Matters Not

Woooo it's been a long time since I posted. What's been going on, you ask?

I shaved my head to about 1/4" of hair. And, I have a goatee now. My summer hair-do. After all, it's in the 80s here in Texas already. It's going to be a hot summer.

I just gave birth to a 4500 word, 21-page final paper for my SQL for Business class. It hurt coming out but promises to be a brain-child genius that gets us all an "A". It has my eyes. It also explains a lot of the reason why I have been postless for so long. This class has definitely not been my favorite-- by that I mean I don't understand it very well. Usually I understand class content intuitively but there's nothing intuitive about SQL -- it's all logic. I am really not very good at pure logic, as surprising as that may seem to some. I prefer more ambient brainwave activity of concepts and objects and flights of fantasy. Smoke and mirrors.

Work is finally clearing up some and giving me some space to focus on my work goals for the year (which are barely attainable). My only life goal is to become the Bowflex dude, all ripped and stuff.

BWahahahahaha!!! I have a long way to go.

What else? Dawn and I have actually seen some movies recently. Ladykillers, which I reported on earlier. And, we watched Hidalgo, which was really nice. I felt like I had sand in my shoes when I left the theater.

Ugh not much else -- mostly work and school. I'll write more frequently. Sure I will.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Decadent Pop-Tart Love Affair.

Oh man. I recently rekindled my love affair with pop-tarts. They are so good. Just not good for me. Nothing can make me turn my thoughts from polyunsaturated fats, white flour, sugar, and triglycerides like pop-tarts.

I am genetically predisposed to them. They are part of my biology. They are the nourishment of my psyche. Oh, the Pop-Tart. You are me and I am you. Soul mates.

I like the cherry ones with the crunchy frosting. I also like the watermellon ones and the wildberry ones. There are wildberry Pop-Tarts in the house right now. But not for long. Even though it is Passover, Pop-Tarts are flattened and have not risen, so they qualify as unleavened bread. The escaping Israelites could only pray for a manna like Pop-Tarts. Alas, they never knew them, but Matzoh was made in their image.

That's it. Tonight, I will fear the health dangers no more: I will partake of a pop-tart, with milk as well. These Pop-Tarts are Good. For, of all my creations on this Earth... the pyramids, the Mona Lisa, the moose.... Pop-Tarts are my best creation. Soul, Delal... do you hear me? Tonight we break the veil. Tonight we cross the boundaries into death and bad grades and return unscathed. Tonight we eat Pop-Tart and add them to our biochemistry.

We may even eat two.


I should write something, but I don't want to. Or, more accurately, nothing comes to mind. You may notice this is a theme with me.

Apparently I am working on balance. This may not be entirely clear, so let me explain. I have a belief that balance is good. I don't mean the 'you'll fall over if you don't balance' inner-ear sort of balance, although it can play in. No, good and patient reader, I mean consistency, equivalency, and centeredness.

Balance can be good and bad. By it's nature, balance eventually means stillness and equality. In extreme form, balance is related to the second law of thermodynamics (or, entropy) where all space expands to the point where everything is even and no more movement or expansion occurs. This, assuming a closed galactic universe system.

Balance can be good in that it keeps one from extremes in things. "Even-keeled", "cool about everything", "no worries", "relaxed" -- all phrases used to describe those who are balanced.

I am a balanced person, generally. I don't freak out much.

See how unexciting this post is? I need to re-think that balance thing. A google search on unbalanced reveals:
How to become balanced through God.
Newton's laws of motion.
100 unfair and unbalanced monkeys typing. lol.