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Monday, January 21, 2008

Well that came out of nowhere

Why does my perception of the world seem so fast these days? I got up this morning, early, and we (Dawn, Tom, Jen, and I) went walking on the Katy Trail. I noticed how cold it was, and breezy, and how felt that certain sense of "morning-ness" that you get when you are out walking in the dark on a cold-brisk morning. It's a very different sensation than the conditioned daily office air.

Despite the fresher experience of the walk, I still feel like I was focused just off-center. Like my perception was just behind the present moment. Or just ahead. I didn't feel saturated in the moment like I used to when I was younger. I remember being outside in rainstorms and just feeling the sensation of the storm in the moment -- not when it was going to be done or what happened before. I remember playing outside and feeling a spacious moment around my activities.

Now it seems like everything is so fast - even the slow things, like my focus is always somewhere else. But that somewhere is nowhere.

Then there's other times like when I'm playing WoW where I feel like my attention is hyperfocused and I can handle vast amounts of information happening to me in a single moment. So it's not like I don't have practice or can't handle it... but I just often feel like I am floating just behind or ahead of myself. What's up with that?

Maybe we are all in such a keyed state of hyper-attention we forget the moment point. Or, we haven't accellerated up to the keyed state we are capable of achieving and the off-focus feeling is just wind resistance.

Hmmm. I dunno.

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