More Deep Thoughts

So here I am in Toronto, Ontario. I've had sort of an unusual day in that this is the first work I've had in several months and I've discovered I have changed a lot in that time.

I've got a one-time and possibly more than one-time gig with a former employer to help them out with some business analysis. It's happening just in front of some other work I really want to do with another northern set of friends.

So the deep thoughts? Well, I've spent the last 3 months at home looking for work, adjusting to not being at work, and getting over a fairly minimal amount of irritations from my last job. When I was employed - at any of my past jobs - there were certain things I "owned" that I no longer own. Politics, and awareness of the inner-workings of a company. Weird co-worker relationships, working for someone else who may or may not share my ideals and communication style, etc, etc.

Also, being the resistant Type-A person I have been for the last x years, I realized that suddenly I am enamored of doing nothing. And it's especially weird to not feel bad about doing nothing. It's like since all this world economy junk has happened and all the change that is going on, it's like I am in between -- the old way clearly no longer works, but the new way is undefined.

So it is with my work situation, and some of my relationships. It's like they worked in the past and all the things I "should" do and have done automatically no longer feel right. But I haven't quite yet figured out how things work - a lot of unknown.

What's also interesting is that I am experiencing some fear, but not as much as I would have thought. This is good - there's been too much fear lately.

So, actually I have more to say but it's late and been a long day with long days ahead. I'll write more tomorrow. Stay tuned.