I think therefore I feel

So. It's been quite a week since last I posted. After my belief deconstruction post, I experienced several days of very good energy. However, this past weekend I "crashed" and experienced some devastating poor energy filled with self-deprecation and frustration. This morning as I drove to work in a dreary rainfall (reality creationists will note the significance of this imagery) I heard my mind utter that terrible anti-Sumari refrain: "I am not special.". WELL! Time to continue the belief deconstruction. Obviously I am getting somewhere.

To continue. "I feel fat" -- from a food perspective.

I feel fat.

Linked emotions, food-related:

• Feeling fat makes me dislike food
• Feeling fat makes me eat uncontrollably
• Feeling fat makes me crave "bad" foods

Now, again, belief statements that create those emotions.

Feeling fat makes me dislike food:
-- I believe foods I like are not good for me
-- I believe food is functional only

Feeling fat makes me eat uncontrollably:
-- I believe I should not be restricted on what I eat
-- I believe I have no willpower with food

Feeling fat makes me crave "bad" foods
-- I believe some foods are bad for me
-- I believe I like eating foods that are bad for me

Now, where do those beliefs come from?

I believe foods I like are not good for me:
-- I believe I do not have a good concept of nutrition

I believe food is functional only:
-- I believe food is boring

I believe I should not be restricted on what I eat:
-- I believe my body can handle whatever I serve it

I believe I have no willpower with food:
-- I believe I eat habitually to cover insecurity

I believe some foods are bad for me:
-- I believe "fast" or "processed" foods can harm me

I believe I like eating foods that are bad for me:
-- I believe it is convenient to eat fast/processed food
-- I believe there's no reason to cook when I am busy

To summarize, now:

1. I believe I do not have a good concept of nutrition
2. I believe food is boring
3. I believe my body can handle whatever I serve it
4. I believe I eat habitually to cover insecurity
5. I believe "fast" or "processed" foods can harm me
6. I believe it is convenient to eat fast/processed food
7. I believe there's no reason to cook when I am busy

There's no shortage of belief conflicts here: "I believe my body can handle whatever I serve it" and "I believe fast/processed foods can harm me". So, once again, turn it around into more positive beliefs:

1. I believe I can become knowledgable about nutrition
2. I believe food can be exciting
3. I believe my body can handle whatever I serve it
4. I believe I can handle insecurities through other methods than eating
5. I believe "fast" or "processed" foods can be minimzed
6. I believe it is detrimental to eat fast/processed food
7. I believe cooking is a more fulfilling method of preparing food

Ultimately, some may find it interesting that the new set of believes are not "positive". Why, for example, do I not just utterly remove fast foods from my diet? Well, for one thing, they taste good despite perceived health risks. Also, I think it's unrealistic to eliminate something -- it reduces choice. However, I can definitely shift my attention so that it's minimized. This will enhance my enjoyment of those foods but reduce the risk. The key here is finding the impulsiveness, which I hope to target through believing food doesn't have to be a scapegoat for insecurity. Additionally, well-prepared home meals can be more fulfilling because I spend more time in their creation -- and I'll save $$ in the process.

So, that's all for now -- next time I think I'll tackle my beliefs around exercise and see if I can figure out why I have desires to exercise but never actually find the motivation to do it -- chosing instead to sit in front of the computer or TV.